Ok, I know that I normally post a bunch of depressing stuff on here...in fact that is pretty much all I post. I don't intend to bring everybody down, I guess that's just how it comes out though. I find myself thinking about life all the time, and what my purpose is, why I'm here. I just don't understand why I had to be brought into this world...because so far, I haven't had any purpose. I haven't done anything in my entire life that made the world better. I haven't accomplished anything. I haven't made anyone's life any better. I'm just here....taking up air and time of the people who like their lives and who DO have a purpose. I see all the stuff that goes on in the world...the poverty and abuse and wars and third world countries with no structure and I wonder if it's even real. I just don't understand why I had to be brought into this world...I truly wish that I had never been born. I wish I would have at least had the option to be born. Also, I think it should be MY choice to end my life when ever I choose, not anybody else's. I just don't understand why I feel like this every day. I wish I knew what causes this feeling. I don't even know what feeling it really is anymore. I just know it makes me miserable and I can't enjoy anything. I'm at a complete loss...I just want this to be over with. I'm not trying to cause drama or be an emo or anything....I just don't feel worthy of living. I have to go now....to do things I don't want to, as usual. I know I know....there is always something in life that nobody wants to do....but it shouldn't be everything. I don't want to do anything....it's pure laziness. Even something as simple as walking 10 steps to the bathroom seems like the end of the world, it seems like an impossible chore. I have to go though....just eat it, Grant, just eat it and get on with it....
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??