I could rant for hours on this topic, but suffice to say it is not your fault that you are depressed.

I have a little 'evil me' that could wax lyrical for hours on how useless and worthless and lazy and stupid I am... But after dealing with it for 10 years now I know that I am not depressed because I secretly want to be.

You are not to blame for being depressed. It is a symptom of depression that your thoughts spiral inward and those thoughts due to the nature of depression can get pretty abusive.

Have you thought about seeing someone about this? You don't have to deal with this on your own. And in my case, once I found the right medication, things started to change for the better. Also finding a counselor I could talk to really really helped.

But I keep getting distracted and demoralized by this inner voice that won't stop telling me that I am the only one to blame for getting depressed and letting it stop me from doing what I have to do.

I know it's partly true

You are not to blame, depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. Would you beat your self up for having the flu? I would see my pdoc to help me decide what course to take. Medication helps me to be more focused.

Poor self talk walks hand in hand with depression. I battle it daily and I'm not always aware of the voice inside my head bullying me and telling me how useless I am. You're not alone turtled, nor are going crazy. I've always been aware of wasting my life away to this illness, it's such a vicious cycle of guilt, self hate and poor self talk. I've recently taken to meditation and reading positive books, which is helping to quieten my mind. Perhaps you could benefit from something along these lines...idk. Peace, love and lights.. ((((((Hugs)))))))

@ ZAZAS... I to believed for many years that a chemical imbalance could cause depression. I have read it's never been scientifically proven that an imbalance of chemicals in the brain can cause depression. I'm sorry you have the inner voice also ZAZAS, It's a constant battle to control those thoughts.. ((((((Hugs))))))))

The answer is no, it is not your fault that yo are depressed.

That doesn't mean that every day, I am told otherwise. I have also been told that I am being a baby for feeling bad about the things I create. Then again, being that I suffer from OCD and massive anxiety over these things, what does one expect.

Sorry about the rant, but I am going through the same thing. I find it next to impossible to focus on the things that I once loved. Lately, I said to hell with it, i'm going to push through it and just produce, and it backfired badly. What I ended up creating was TERRIBLE and almost embarassing.

I couldnt say it better then they have... I blamed myself for years and I also was not aware of the voices telling me so..I just knew I was worthless... I understand now and I fight it with all my heart and soul.. Everyday of my life... You can do it also.. You are stronger then you think... you will have to be..

Thanks for all the support everyone.

@DBD: I really should see a professional, I just don't know how I'll go about paying for it yet. The "evil side" you describe is exactly the problem I'm having. It's like there's a side of me that hates everyone and everything including myself and he just tells me to lie down, give up, and die.

@ZAZAS: Hm, good point I guess like most illnesses you can't blame yourself for "catching" it.

@smuggers: Thanks for the support. I find meditation very helpful but sometimes I feel like that "good, clear vibe" I get from meditating wears off after awhile and then I panic or breakdown again. It's tough.

@Kuno78: Yeah it's tough when you want to produce something or get something finished but your head just tries to put all these obstacles in your way. The results are definitely hit or miss when you are working on something in a depressed state. And even in the past when people have told me something I've done was good, in my head I still think it's terrible sometimes.

@beast: That encouragement means a lot to me. I will do my best to be strong and fill myself with positivity to drown out the negative.

Yeah, there are days I just wanna say; rain, rain go away, come back another day. And theres not a cloud in the sky. Life just beez that way now and then :)

Of course its my fault. Just ask my wife, that's why she moved out and filed for divorce. I have "complete" control of this god-dammed illness.

It is really hard for most people who have never been depressed to understand how we feel. My mother asks me how much longer I'll have to take "that" medicine. She never asks how soon I can get off my heart medicine. My son tells me I need to get over this idea that I have to have my antidepressant every day and become teary and irritable if I run out and can't get to the pharmacy to pick up my refill.

It's hard to explain what depression is, too. That it's not just a bad mood or feeling sad, that you can't point to a specific event and say that's what caused the depression.

I'm so happy we have this forum where we can talk to people who do understand.

I don't think a person with major depression is any more to 'blame' than a person in a wheelchair.

Thing is .. depression is a mental disease .. and it is very hard to 'classify' mental function .. if a person is not 'hittin' on all cylindars' mentally, there is always the question 'Can't I do better?" .. and then blame intercedes. A person in a wheelchair can't walk because of muscular weakness .. black and white .. weak muscles prevent walking .. accepted.

With mental illness .. such as depression .. the person 'can't get out of bed' .... for example .. yet .. they actually CAN .. if they just WOULD. Soooo with depression .. there is always the 'guilt' or 'blame' factor.

Since you actually probably COULD get out of bed .. you must 'fight depression' .. and bolt yourself up .. no matter how you feel. Not 'giving in' to depression lessens the problems depression causes.

Problem: I stay in bed all day depressed. Solution: Get out of bed and do something.

That's the problem with the disease of depression ... it is not black and white. It is always a question of choosing to let it hold us down or refusing to let it. Sometimes we can beat it .. and sometimes we cannot. When we can't .. we feel guilty.

Guilt achieves nothing. Better to be kind and forgiving to yourself .. but always try your best.

Nope, ABSOLUTLY is not your fault. Is a very REAL illness despite what others think. That is the great LIE of depression. It causes us to be very hard on ourselves. It (the depression) is such a LIAR!!!

no...absolutely no, it's not your fault for being depressed. Depression is not something you have a choice about. Cause if we did, who would choose to feel like this.

I ranted about this earlier today...feeling like you described...always down on yourself and having negative thoughts. The only way I can ever get the horrible thoughts out of my head is to consciously and actively stop thinking about them by thinking about something good instead...something happy. I've been having trouble accomplishing this lately, but I know it can be done, cause I've done it before.

Feeling like that and always having negative thoughts in your head really sucks and I really hope you start to feel better soon:-)