Hello everyone. I have been searching on the net trying to find a sight that I can not only find some answers too but also find some relief in knowing what is going on with me! I dont know where to start so Ill make a long story short. I have been dealing with a diagnois of depression since 2001 in which I was hospitalized. I couldnt even function. I was on and off so many meds and it wasnt until i was hospitalized that this dr took me off everything and put me on 100mg of wellbutrin and 0.5 Ativan as needed. I also have severe anxiety disorder. The 100mg seemed to help me. In 2003 my 20 year old son was killed on his motorcycle. I cant even begin to explain the pain I have went thru. I still stayed on 100mg. Then in March 2006 my mom died unexpectedly basically. She suffered from Chrons Disease severely and was admitted for surgery to take out a blockage. Something went wrong and she ended up in ICU. This was Dec 05. She went thru 7b seurgies while she was there in 3 months trying to keep her alive cause what they say is her colon was punctured and made her septic. We finally had to let her go on March 15th. I was there when she died. Infact I stayed there 3 months day and night. I about had a breakdown. Then in May I met my husband now and we married OCt of 06. He is a wonderful guy and I am very blessed to have him. Back about Aug 06 I started haveing serve what I thought was PMS attacks. I would get so angry and hateful and sad and just a rollercoaster. This was about once a month, then about every 2-3 weeks and then every week and now every day. I been to the dr and he said DEPRESSION?ANXIETY. DUhhhh he moved me from 100mg to 150mg 1x day in Nov. I would get to where I would feel good for a couple weeks an then BAM! I was off again. He did CBC< THYROID< HORMONE test and all say Normal. Well the last month I have been off the deep end. One minute im "ok", then the next I am sad, then I feel so angry and almost like rageful but i keep it undercontrol. Finally i went up to 150mg x 2 since a week ago monday. I have felt better the last couple of days But I am constantly "observing" myself looking for personality changes, or something negative and keep my self in fear like all the time. I feel detached somethimes, I have muscle jerks at night, headaches everyday, racing heart, (although I have tachacardyia, PVC, and history or one Atrial FIb). I feel like my brain is fuzzy, frozen, numb, I dont know how to explain it. I can still feel the sadness creeping in or trying too. I try to immediatly get busy to not dwell on it. I get fearful or going crazy or hurting someone or getting out of control. I just want to be normal!! I need some help some advice. My cousin who is a RN thinks it may be Bi=polar but what is your opiion.? I go see a psychologist soon. Sorry So long
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