I have recently moved to back to my home town and as a result am in much closer contact with my family, this is definitely not why I moved back. I moved back for work. I had not seen these people for 6 years and had purposefully been avoiding them. Some seriously bad stuff happened with me, I made some mistakes, part of it was self inflicted. However I was then subject to a smear campaign, and lots of bulls*** stories were circulated about me and my personal character was dragged through the mud as a result. My family all sided against me, and believed the bullshit despite knowing very little about the situation. Eventually my innocence from most of the stuff came to light. At the time they were sorry. My view was they were a bunch of f***ing idiots and shouldn't have believed it in the first place. So I kind of exiled myself, I don't think they deserved the forgiveness. I still don't.
The problem is, seeing them again has been enjoyable. They have been very accommodating, and eager to make connections and rebuild relationships. And truth be told I have enjoyed it. And I feel guilty for enjoying reconnecting, as I have not forgived them and will never forgive them for what they did. You can't forgive what you can't forget. I think part of the reason I am actually enjoying their company again is simply because I am so lonely and have nobody in my life. So I am happy to settle for anything.
I don't know how to deal with this, or where to go with it. It has me torn and conflicted.
Hi - My therapist recommended this book. Thoughts?
My normal Monday kickboxing class is cancelled this month. I get a good leg workout from it.So last night I did a leg workout on the cable tower to stay in shape. I attached the stirrups to my feet. Hooked the inner ring to the cable and did side lunges, step back then do sidekicks. Switched to the ring at top of my foot and did mule kicks. Did 4 sets of 12 reps.Then I tried to do pistol squats....