I have always been feeling this way. On good days, I will be very positive about my life, on other days, I will be wallowing in self pity. I have got a good friend, we used to confide in each other about everything under the sun, and I treat her as my best friend( I do not have that many close friends. She is a high flying engineer who is currently pursuing her Masters and preparing for her wedding and stuff. Due to work needs, she has been in UK for half a year separated from her fiance back in her country. And I feel she is always able to handle things so well. Me on the other hand, I am a teacher who is currently on leave residing in US because my husband has been sent over here to work for 2 years, up to date I have been away from work for 1 year and it will be another half a year more before we return and I resume my work. This past 1 year has been full of ups and downs. On one hand. I appreciate the carefree life I have here, no work and just lots of rest and travelling if my hubby's schedule permits. But at times, in fact many times, I feel I have lost touch with the world, my friends and all... there was once, I decided to alienate from all of them cos I felt so different and useless...I have been forced to only depend on my hubby here and no one else...and to make things worse, he is the self-sufficient sort which means makes me feel he doesn't need me as much as I need him. I don't want to be over dependent, but sometimes I just can't help it... I felt more in control when I was back working, being financially independent and had my teaching friends and others whom I could talk to...I have got lots of worries lately, I am 5 weeks plus pregnant(it is planned) and I am really happy about it but at the same time worried because we have yet to find a house when we get back next june which means we will have to stay at my parents' place for the time being till we get a house. I am one who needs private space when it comes to this so when my best friend told me that she has found a house and are in the midst of planning for renovation, I can't help but feel some jealousy... me and my hubby are not able to do the same because we feel is better to search it for ourselves which means waiting till june when we are back to do it...and now that I am pregnant... everything seems to be comign all at once. I am aware that this will happen but I always thought I could handle it and we have the mentality that we will take things as it comes... But sometimes, I just can't take the fact that my best friend has gotten all things so well planned and she never did tell me or update me about all this happenings until I emailed her lately. I jsut feel really left out...I know I shouldn't be feelign this but I don't know why I am starting to compare. I feel I am so useless here... whereas she is so smart, capable and has such an understanding fiance...I always wanted to pursue my masters, but couldn't do it after I followed my hubby over here.... I feel so horrible of myself....
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