well i have been through alot things i did and see in my life personal and military when i was a kid i was into hanging out with my cousins and they were gang members i did do alot of drugs and i mean alot also got in trouble me and my cousins had got into a confortation with some guys long story short i shot at some guys while my cousins left in the car we reliazed my older cousin danny died my cousin died in my arms that night i was 12 as far as military life well dont really talking about what i did or see. i have always suffered from suicidal tendencies and to my suprise after overdoses and self punctured wounds im still alive i guess i dont care about life i really got no faith i just dont belive in god i really hate it but its the truth im also an alcoholic its the only thing that stops the voices in my mind that stops the thoughts of hurting myself and others i mean even my own family is scared of me ....BUT!!! heres a bit of good news i realized for myself that i need help i am suffering from being bipolor and suffer from manic depression and i need help i went to the doctor today . i had a talk with him and im gonna get back started on treatment he said the first step is admiting i have a problem and i did i know its not gonna be easy i know im gonna have a hard time not drinking i am going to try and be honest with my results but i am gonna give it a shot i do want to live i do want to be happy again for myself . i want to be normal... i want to feel like im whole like im just one person i want the chemical inbalance or so im told thats in my head normal i just want it all to stop
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