Depression Support Group
Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.
...could anybody stop you?
I don't think, if I had reached the point of finality, that I could be stopped.
As much as my friends mean to me...I think once I've reached past the point of no return, I'd do it. And it wouldn't be a suicide ATTEMPT...I'd succeed.
Sometimes I feel the only thing that keeps the pills or the gun out of my mouth is the scoffing disapproval that I'm sure would come from those who know me. And, of course, the heartbreak that my family must feel...
To do such a thing...to commit that final act...is the penultimate act of selfishness, I realize this. It's a decision that is made with only the self in mind...with no regard to those who care about or will be hurt by the decider in question. But for me that doesn't always make it sound like a bad option....
It scares me...what sounds so much like a rational train of thought...what seems to masquerade as reason is simply a mental illness telling me that I should end my life...that I am useless, a failure, and will never live up to the expectations that my parents and friends had for me.
Yes, perhaps this should have been a journal post...and yes, I am seeking attention, I won't deny either of those points at all. Sometimes when you're staring at a bottle of sedatives, however...you need attention.
I don't think, if I had reached the point of finality, that I could be stopped.
As much as my friends mean to me...I think once I've reached past the point of no return, I'd do it. And it wouldn't be a suicide ATTEMPT...I'd succeed.
Sometimes I feel the only thing that keeps the pills or the gun out of my mouth is the scoffing disapproval that I'm sure would come from those who know me. And, of course, the heartbreak that my family must feel...
To do such a thing...to commit that final act...is the penultimate act of selfishness, I realize this. It's a decision that is made with only the self in mind...with no regard to those who care about or will be hurt by the decider in question. But for me that doesn't always make it sound like a bad option....
It scares me...what sounds so much like a rational train of thought...what seems to masquerade as reason is simply a mental illness telling me that I should end my life...that I am useless, a failure, and will never live up to the expectations that my parents and friends had for me.
Yes, perhaps this should have been a journal post...and yes, I am seeking attention, I won't deny either of those points at all. Sometimes when you're staring at a bottle of sedatives, however...you need attention.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
Realizing it is just this depression talking to you is something you have to keep reminding yourself. Personally, I never wanted to die... I just wanted the depression crap to stop and found other ways to achieve that, even if it just for a moment and I have to struggle to maintain it.
The funny thing is that when I really think about it, when I consider ending my life, the depression alleviates.
Ironic, I guess.
I think though, when you finally get to that point to do it, maybe it takes a lot of "close calls" to get there, then there will be no way you will stop yourself.
There is a wookbook called "mind over mood" that suggests looking for evidence to support or reject such thoughts as well as how to deal with them. I found it very helpful. Even when some bad thought seemed to prove true, it was okay because I have the power to change it or blow it off as just someone else's opinion, like what do they know.
I now have a method which I hope will be foolproof should I decide to go again. Nothing is foolproof, so you don't know if you will succeed.
I know of a man who ended up blowing his nose off and survived shooting himself in the mouth....hugs
If you want to chat feel free to message me.