..... all of those who gave me hugs yesterday. i really needed them. yesterday really sucked. i had been without a deep depression for months. actually i had been in a thirty year depression before that. i learned alot about depression those years. i now know that you do not need a reason to be depressed. it just happens sometimes. sometimes the depression is a normal reaction to some hard times with finances and so on. now to contradict myself but the main thing i have learned is that depression comes from the inside. yes there can be outside influences but deep down only you can make yourself depressed.

CAUTION: TRIGGERS FROM HERE ON OUT.





i blamed the last thirty years on a lot of things. the sexual abuse i went through as a child. my parents. my father was distant and my mother was self absorbed. drug and alcohol abuse. i blamed my abuser. but that is all in the past now so what is making me depressed. my father treats me well now. i have accepted who my mother is. i have forgiven my abuser and moved on. the only thing left is me. i make myself depressed and that was what i was doing yesterday.

i now know that my life will never be completely depression free but i can live my life day by day. yesterday was bad but i had alot of encouragement from all the hugs and yesterday is over and today was a good one. what will it be like tomorrow? who knows? no one but what the heck. ill take what i can get.

Love you all............