Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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i want to go home....

deleted_user
deleted_user
i am so tired of trying so hard here to get settled in only to keep getting kicked off my feet everytime things start to feel better. i haven't wanted to cut in ages (the last time was 15 yrs ago) and it is all i can think about the last couple of days. i won't as i know i shouldn't and would catch a world of shit for it from my hubby....but i can't stop crying and wanting to go home to my mom and my old friends where it was still crap but familiar crap. i am back job hunting now...of course just before christmas and am scared out of my mind as we don't have anyone we can get help from now and i am not sure when i will find something let alone get paid again and we are almost out of money. we can't get any help from the gov as i am not a citizen yet and i have to job hunt and am having trouble even leaving the house cause of how sick i feel. not sure what i am asking for....just needed to say it to someone since he keeps saying it will be fine but it seems like there is no way for it too now. i know he is right but i just can't see that now and i am sick of being scared all the time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry, bumping this as i am wallowing today and don't want to be buried.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am so sorry you are having such a hard time. i also know that it is hard to do, but hang in there. you sound a bit homesick...hopefully it will pass once you get a new routine going. *hug* i hope it gets better for you
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am really homesick...and it has been a year. i keep feeling like it will be ok and then the contract ends or something happens and i am job hunting again...i have made some friends and all here but how do you feel safe and settled if you can't find a perm job to count on for money? just really sick of fighting so hard for so long.
starfish
starfish
I am sorry you are in such a tight situation, and right before Christmas....if your husband is saying things are fine, and you are almost out of money....is he hiding some somewhere, or is he in denial, or what???

It sounds like he should be more concerned than that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i think he is trying to keep me up which is sweet but that isn't stopping the panic. i will make myself motivate at some point today and get out there hunting again (just happened wednesday)....just so lost and scared now, since till weds, i thought we could see the light at that end of the tunnel....it just seems that in polite ye olde england...no one wants to hire or keep the fat american girl on the books and it is getting so hard to keep starting over at each new place. just really really tired of fighting and trying so hard to get no where.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bmoney being homesick sucks and being homesick when you feel unstable in your finances is even worse.

You have to ask yourself whats the best thing for you to do?

Is it possible for you to go home and remind your self how crap it really was?

Will going home actually make anything any better?

Hard choices need to be made and I can only wish you good luck. But do whats right for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
prolly won't make it that much better and can't afford it even if i thought it would actually help. just really stuck and scared and missing my comfort zone. i just want a stable job that doesn't suck too bad so we can eat and pay the bills that i need to take care of...is that really too much to ask for?
deleted_user
deleted_user
No bmoney its not. May I ask why the jobs you've had have been letting you go?
deleted_user
deleted_user
so far all but one have been temp contracts...so the contract ends or the person i am covering for comes back early or they need to cut the temp from the budget....i always hear oh you did a great job but we just can't keep you for (insert reason here) we wish you the best and will give you a great reference. HOW ABOUT A FUCKING PAYCHECK STILL? and the one that was perm....that one...was so not right for me...too heavy in sales and way to high pressure for me at the time as it was when i was realizing how bad i needed help and meds. so just shitty timing all around.
deleted_user
deleted_user
That sucks but at least your not being fired as such which can be a hindrance when finding new jobs.

Have you tried the jobcentre for help looking for permanent contracts or local employment agencies?
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh yes...that is how i learned to get all over god's creation here...finding every agency that would talk to me and looking at job centres and online and walking around looking for signs....i should be a size two with all the searching and going to interviews i have done. hense the i am so fing sick f this crap! just want a steady job that isn't total crap!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It'll come sweetheart Im sure. Im sorry its so hard for you but something will turn up.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sigh...i know...and i will keep going...just tired, scared and wallowing today. thanks for listening to me vent.
deleted_user
deleted_user
anytime
deleted_user
deleted_user
Sorry you're having such a tough time right now. My heart goes out to you....XX
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