My life is fucked. I have been away from this site for a long time, and things have been crazy since my time here. (oddly enough, those seem like the "good old days" now!) Last January my former theapist helpd me manage to get working again, at a humiliating job that I am way over qualfied for, but at least I am working. In addition to that I have quit drinking (again) and doing other drugs, and I have been sober for some months now. In the beginning it was great, I felt like "Cool! This was the answer to all of my problems!" I started participating in an online alcohol support group, where I met someone with whom a relationship developed. She is pregnant now. We don't get along very well, I think she hates me. I have been supporting us both on my meager salary, and now I am COMPLETELY broke, barely making it paycheck to paycheck. She is bi polar and a compete mess. I am a mess too. I want to drink so badly. My life is ruined, just as it was starting to work out for me for the first time ever. I want to die. Every day seems more hopeless than the last and I have to pretend like eveything is ok for her sake. I don't know what to do. My family knows she is pregnant now. I don't think I can be with her, but I DO want to be a good father, I wish I could. If it was not for this pregnancy I would kill myself immediately. This post doesn't even make sense. I am fucked.
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