I know this gets ordinary to hear on this site so it doesnt even sound important anymore. I dont really want to die but I dont want to live like this. I am not living just exhisting, cause I have no friends and I dont know why. I guess I am just offensive and deserve this. I try to be strong but that can only go on so long. On Friday my therapist called and asked to see me and I thought she just wanted to talk like normal, but she told me we had to tell my mom about the suicidal feelings. Now she knows but she still doesnt believe her because she doesnt think I would do that. I think she wants me dead. We arent going on vacation anymore because she said she thinks I would ruin it for them. That hurts that she thinks so lowly of me. I pretent to be happy for my family and it is too hard. Sometimes I wish I could attempt suicide but not actually die. Because then I would get the help I really need. I sort of wish they would make me go into the hospital so I would be taken seriously.I dont know what to do anymore. I just want out. I am scared and alone and cant hang on much longer.
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