Throughout the past year my depression has gotten worse and now its to the point where I've thought about suicide, attempted it once with no success and have been in a mental hospital. As for the hospital, it was the most traumatic experience of my life and I never want to go back. Problem now is I'm afraid to tell family, therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, etc... how I truly feel because I NEVER want to go back to a mental hospital. Literally, it only made things worse. I hate how I feel. I feel like all of the good feelings and emotions that "normal" people feel are dead in me and I'm scared that I'll never get them back. I need to get a job so bad, but to be honest, I don't think I'm emotionally ready to handle it. Financially though I have to. I do still want to die, but all I do now is pray every night that God and Jesus will take me in my sleep, but it never happens. I feel like a loser because of the fact that my parents are taking care of me and I'm 24 yrs old. I feel like there is no hope left for me cuz I've tried everything and nothing works. I can't sleep anymore or eat and I feel as though I'm getting crazier with each passing day. I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. Any suggestions would help, but please be gentle cuz I've had people respond to me in extremely rude ways that only pushed me further towards the edge.
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