I really need help. I haven't felt like this in years. I used to have serious depression years ago. Lately ive been feeling it once again after years of avoiding it, only it feels 1,000,000 times stronger then it ever has. Im tired of hearing, dont do it, dont do it. I have no friends, and the people i have known my whole life dont treat me like a friend and i feel like i dont even know how. I just recently quit my job cause it was too damn stressful and thats part of what got me back into thinking the way i do. I usually play video games to take the pain away but i try to play them and im still in the thought process that i am now. Ive tried everything i can possibly do. I just want to die, i want it more then anything in the world. Call it selfish but people are selfish if they deny me what i am wanting so bad. Its like when a young kid wants his first family pet, i want to die that bad. Every few minutes i have this flash in my head on how i could die. I cant sleep cause of these flashes and its 3 a.m. in the morning. My friend was suppose to hang out with me but he wasnt answering my phone calls after he said we were going to. Im a virgin by choice and im always made fun of because of it. people think im gay in which makes it worse cause im not. I feel like taking 20 of these Tylonol P.Ms and drinking this E & J and just slowly fading away.
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