i have had such an awful week so far. and its only tuesday today. and it all happened yesterday. i cant stop cying. a friend of mine in the usa, she was like a mother to me. even told me when she was in the hospital last time to tell the nurses that i am her daughter to get info i need. well she came out of hosp a few weeks ago after the amputation of a toe. now she is back in again, and the doctors havent got a clue what is wrong with her. its killing me. i am now in the uk, and i cant just drive round the corner any more to go see her. she is about 62 i think. they have put her husband into a nursing home whilst she is in hosp. as he is in a wheel chair and cant help himself. they cant find out whats wrong with pat. her temp is low. her blood pressure is low. they put in a pacemaker last week for her heart. she told me when she was in hosp that her body is just giving up on her. now her kidneys arent working, she doesnt output any urine. her legs are huge with fluid.the docs seem to think she could have an infection but cant say what it is. so they are giving her large amounts of antibiotics. she isnt talking at all, she sleeps most of the time , almost to the point her of being in a coma. if she is awake, she sits there staring into space. its like her personality has been taken away from her. she was my second mum when i lived in the states. she would do anything for me. then i had applied for three jobs with the council here, and i called about it yesterday and found out i wasnt even getting an interview. i have applied for over 50 jobs in the last two weeks, and i havent got an interview with any of them. i have been emailed by 2 of them saying i dont have the right qualifications for the positions i am applying for. the council had 3 jobs open. all i did today was sleep. i wanted the world to leave me alone. if i am not sleeping, i am crying. i call the hospital to see how my friend is at least 2 or 3 times a day.and pat isnt changing at all. if anything she is getting worse. they did a brain scan and didnt find anything wrong there. this is really getting me down. i cant find a job. my hubby has a go at me alot of the time, cos he wants me to get a job and bring in some money.if i dont get a house soon we will end up losing our house. but our mortgage payments are lower than we would have to pay for renting a place to live.i feel like i am falling apart. i just dont know what to do. i cant even do any knitting or any other hobby cos i think its a waste of time right now.i dont know if i will get any better. so i am hoping my life wont stay this way. i cant take it.