Depression Support Group
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(x-posted)
Last night when my mom got home from work, she got herself a glass of whatever was around to drink, like she usually does. She held a bottle of some dark liquor to me. There were only a few drops of it left sitting at the bottom of the bottle. "Looks like your sister poured out my shit again." She said rather calmly. I just nodded. Several months ago my mom got really drunk and said some nasty things to my sister and called her a bitch. Naturally, my sister was very hurt by the things said and angered. "If she's gonna call me a bitch. Fine. I'll act like one too." And she poured out all of the liquor in the house. It was something I had wanted to do but didn't have the guts to do it. I was afraid my mom would be furious with me. But my little sister wanted to get the message out loud and clear that neither of us wanted her drinking. It makes her a different person and no one we want to be around.
So anyway, I'm not sure whether or not it was my sister who poured out the liquor. Quite possibly my mom drank it all the night before and FORGOT about it. That isn't too uncommon for her. But then she went on about saying how she used to pour out or hide bottles of liquor from her father when she was younger. Her father was an alcoholic and once attempted to kill himself in front of her. Needless to say, there aren't so many pleasant memories of her father.
"I wish she wouldn't just throw my shit out like that. That's money down the drain, you know?" She told me.
Well mom, you know the reason she did it IF she did it now, and the reason she did it before. Why the fuck won't you just STOP buying the shit, then? Every month, more money is going into your booze than us. What about your kids that haven't seen a doctor in three years or a dentist in two? Everytime we ask about those things she's like, "I can't afford the visit. Sorry." It's nothing but an excuse! What about when your kids FOOD? Huh? What about that? I can give you a simple shopping list of eggs, bread, cheese, and milk and you always come back with two of the items and your precious-fucking-alcohol. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of your bullshit. You've got the hint. Do something with it. You see that you're hurting us. Even when you're sober you see it. You've PROVED to me last night that you've seen it. So why won't you just fucking stop?
Last night when my mom got home from work, she got herself a glass of whatever was around to drink, like she usually does. She held a bottle of some dark liquor to me. There were only a few drops of it left sitting at the bottom of the bottle. "Looks like your sister poured out my shit again." She said rather calmly. I just nodded. Several months ago my mom got really drunk and said some nasty things to my sister and called her a bitch. Naturally, my sister was very hurt by the things said and angered. "If she's gonna call me a bitch. Fine. I'll act like one too." And she poured out all of the liquor in the house. It was something I had wanted to do but didn't have the guts to do it. I was afraid my mom would be furious with me. But my little sister wanted to get the message out loud and clear that neither of us wanted her drinking. It makes her a different person and no one we want to be around.
So anyway, I'm not sure whether or not it was my sister who poured out the liquor. Quite possibly my mom drank it all the night before and FORGOT about it. That isn't too uncommon for her. But then she went on about saying how she used to pour out or hide bottles of liquor from her father when she was younger. Her father was an alcoholic and once attempted to kill himself in front of her. Needless to say, there aren't so many pleasant memories of her father.
"I wish she wouldn't just throw my shit out like that. That's money down the drain, you know?" She told me.
Well mom, you know the reason she did it IF she did it now, and the reason she did it before. Why the fuck won't you just STOP buying the shit, then? Every month, more money is going into your booze than us. What about your kids that haven't seen a doctor in three years or a dentist in two? Everytime we ask about those things she's like, "I can't afford the visit. Sorry." It's nothing but an excuse! What about when your kids FOOD? Huh? What about that? I can give you a simple shopping list of eggs, bread, cheese, and milk and you always come back with two of the items and your precious-fucking-alcohol. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of your bullshit. You've got the hint. Do something with it. You see that you're hurting us. Even when you're sober you see it. You've PROVED to me last night that you've seen it. So why won't you just fucking stop?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Your mum may realise wat she is doing now that you have both spoken up against her.
Perhaps you should both sit down and talk about it calmly.
I do not fully know your situation so i am not sure about it that idea is ok or not.
I wish you the best and if you ever need to talk then pm me anytime :)
((((hugs))))
Moo, I know.. I know. ._.
-huggles Adam-
I guess my only caution to you is to make sure you keep the roles clear with her. Don't let her off the hook that she is a mom. It's very easy to fall into a pattern where the kid becomes the parent.
I did that for many years...and after she passed on, I was in therapy forever just getting my head around the fact that it was not ok for her to put me in that situation (where I had to take care of her and she wasn't sick). Dealing with that anger was hard. Your mom is still there...somewhere. I hope you still have time to help make it clear that no matter the age, kids need their moms to be moms. I hope she gets it together. Ultimately, it is her decision. Good luck sweetie. Hugs!
No matter the good intentions and good faith, parenting your parent is just not natural. You can get used to it, but it's not ok. I felt very guilty for many years because after she passed, I felt I could have taken better care of her. Eventually I realized (well, it took massive amounts of therapy) that it wasn't ok for her to put me in that situation. I also have a younger sister and to this day she treats me like I'm some sort of parent even though we are three years apart. Our relationship is good but it could have been better had I been allowed to be more of a kid.
What's really sad...is that if you and your sister aren't careful, you can repeat the behavior unless you pay attention to yourself as you grow older.
I tell you this because you are still young and your mom is still here. You have the opportunity to influence in the right direction. Check out Al-Anon for tools to help you. God bless! Hugs!