My husband is being fired as of the end of the month. Merry Christmas. We have until the new year to figure out how to get a new job going so we can make bills. I'm stressed out and upset to the point of being unable to stop crying. I feel completely distraught. I'm trying to hold it together for my young son but I just don't know how things are going to possibly work out. I can't get past the stress and anger about the situation. And the holidays! If it weren't for my son I'd go to bed and not come out until sometime next spring. Things were going so well. I should have known this was coming. Why did I let myself think that there wasn't something waiting on the horizon to just come and smack us in the face and ruin the happiness I'd finally felt. It lasted a whole two months. I should have known. Now I hardly feel like I can move. I have no idea how I'm going to go to bed and actually sleep. I'm sick of staying up all night thinking about the future which looks awful right now. Sometimes life feels SO hard. What's this life for anyway? I'm still trying to figure that one out. My son is what I can think of, but then what is the point of having kids either since they'll grow up and possibly be in this situation too? I don't get it. It seems like a cruel joke....like mice on their little wheels going nowhere for no reason. I just feel like there's a hollow spot where my heart goes and I can't stop crying and feeling like doom has come to stay.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??