I am so sorry no one has commented on your post. I too have done the thing of making progress and feeling like I was on top of my illness only to descend into the depths again. It is very discouraging. I know for myself that when I am in a high stress situation it aggravates my symptoms and I tend to implode. Do you have any support there where you are? Do you have a therapist? Just remember that your personal experience with depression is what is going to make you an effective healer. You will have a depth that your other classmates will not be able to fathom. Can you take a little time out of school? I am here for you to chat with anytime. I have found even cyber-support can make a huge difference. You are not crazy and you are not alone. Please be understanding and gentle towards yourself.

I really hope that such thoughts would never be anywhere near your supervisors mind. That would be really hypocritical. I know I would NEVER want a psychologist who has never suffered. It would be like buying a car from someone who hates driving. Please don't let this worry you. Do you think something triggered this most recent episode, or do you fear success like me? As you get this close to completing your undergrad degree, do you feel excited at all? If you are doing things to sabatoge your sucess at all then we need to look at that. Nothing is going to jeopardize your degree. I am super happy for your success. You are going to be phenominal at it!!!!

Best to you.

I think it's great that you can acknowledge that you are having a tough time right now - that's one of the best things to do is accept it. I'm sure you'll get back on track, but you need to sort yourself out first. Is there any chance you can take a semester off Uni? I too am having a tough time myself at the moment and have taken this semester off so that I can sort myself out. Be proud of your achievements - I'm sure you'll be a fantastic psychologist, as you will understand firsthand the struggles that people with depression face every day.

Take care and God bless.

This is my first time seeing this. I'm sorry I've been away trying to keep my self together through some very hard moments.

If you were the one giving you advice on how to cope well with this I wonder what your advice might be? Perhaps to rest as much as you can because you may be 'exhausted'? Perhaps eat well would be one suggestion. Reach out for support which is what you are doing here. Simplify all of your routines -- because your studies are so critical keep on top of that and perhaps listen to some very soothing music while you study? Be aware that what you are going through is temporary and you will make it to the other side. Just keep reaching out for support and step by step make your way through this.

Does that help any?

Would it help you to know that I'm currently surviving a crises and I'm working through mine also step by step? I am and it is this reaching out giving and receiving support that is sustaining me because this has been a whopper to get through. Just remember keep reaching out and take it step by step.

((hugs)) Patricia

I feel so blessed to have such a wonderful support network on here - thank you to everyone who replied. In response to the thoughts that have been circulating:
- I too would be disappointed with my supervisor but it seems that they only want 'healthy' individuals to undertake the course - apparently if I'm unwell, how can I be trusted with someone else's life? And no, I'm not assuming all this - I've asked my supervisor explicitly
- I've tried to strip my routine right back and today found out that my thyroid levels are terrible and that the likelihood that I have Hashimoto's (autoimmune condition) is quite high. I will know for sure tomorrow after seeing a specialist. In a way this is a double edged sword - can explain how I've been feeling but opens up a whole new can of worms.
- I'm doing the bare essentials to get by at uni but I can only keep doing so little for a very short period of time before I get so far behind that I can't catch up - this year is extremely competitive (only 8 / 50 move on to masters) and I already took a year off last year to 'sort myself out'.
Again, thank you so much. At the moment I'm absolutely petrified that this is Depression and not Thyroid speaking and that I'm, once again, spiralling into an abyss of hell. I have so much to lose and yet without any energy, can't seem to be able to do even the smallest of things that I know will help me. Yes, I am very hard on myself and, in response to Patricia, I would tell my friend to rest and be kind to themselves but, for some reason when it comes to me it's never the same story! I'm so exhausted I could spend an entire day on the couch...
Lots of love and gratitude,
x Kat

My disability is CFIDS and the F is for fatigue but the reality is this is the worst exhaustion a person could possibly have and still be considered alive. I take Adderall to stimulate my brain. When first diagnosed back in 98 I had felt perhaps I had Narcolepsy because even after a terrific nights sleep I would find it impossible to stay awake at times during the day. The sleep tests came back negative for Narcolepsy but I was then later diagnosed with the CFIDS with a blood test of positive ANA and ESR over a two year period. I was just so relieved to have a handle to put on the hell I was living through. Adderall is the one medication that allows my brain to be awake to assist with LIFE. Is there anything that could help you to function enough to get through your crises as you seek further help? Just keep holding on and reaching out and know you are WORTH the best your life can be. You are just exhausted right now and perhaps are coping with an undiagnosed medical condition. Try to find temporary ways you can compensate until you have this resolved. And keep reaching out. You are valued and cared for!!! ((hugs)) Patricia

Kat let us know how it goes with the specialist. I bet the thyroid is out in front of it all and once that gets under control, things will level.
Keep your head up.
The very, very best to you.

I hope and pray you find some encouragement today. Unfortunately this is a cold world and there is little understanding or sympathy towards folks who have mental illness. You are handling things very well given what you are dealing with. We are here for you and we can relate when no one else can. Reach out one on one with someone and bolster your network of support. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was worried this would happen and I'd be stuck with the depression. Saw specialist this afternoon and it seems that my thyroid is just out of whack... a bit like it's got a virus. Wants to see me again in month but should resolve itself - which is great news except now I'm back at square one and have no one but myself to hold accountable for my depression. I don't think I can do this - not again.

You have made progress towards learning about a hidden medical condition. You are ill and exhausted and that is never easy when there are issues of depression mixed in. But you have been proactive in seeking proper medical help and are reaching out for the needed emotional support. You are just very exhausted right now. It is human to have limitations and you don't want the job of Super Man anyway because it turns out that job even has its challenges that are not seen so well on the surface. If you are getting enough rest and eating well and are living in a 'safe' environment along with other basic needs met than you are in a GOOD place. Perhaps you could acknowledge that you are depressed but that for now with everything you are coping with perhaps you could simply accept the reality of depression and for now allow it to just be and understand that it does not take away from your being a GOOD and DESERVING human being? Because you are depressed only means you ARE HUMAN -- nothing more. You perhaps are questioning your ability to be a good therapist if you cannot even 'DEAL' with and control your own depression? But you are DEALING with it and this is at the same time you are trying to DEAL with an underlying medical condition as well as continue with your studies and plans for your career. You need to GIVE YOURSELF a BREAK and understand that being human means working at what we can change and accepting what we cannot change but can learn to live with as we practice finding ways to COPE. It all takes time. This will not resolve itself overnight but you WILL have the ability to manage all of this over time. Give yourself needed TIME and the solutions will begin to emerge and as they emerge you will find treatments for you underlying medical condition and will LEARN HOW to FEEL BETTER and that will allow you to FUNCTION better. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! It seems you are trying to convince yourself that youre NOT worth it --- BUT YOU ARE. You just have to give yourself the time and gentle care you deserve to find your way through this ONE SMALL STEP AT A TIME.

Keep reaching out and be very good to YOU --- YOU DESERVE A GOOD LIFE and are WORTH IT. BELIEVE it and LIVE it.

Sending you needed gentle ((hugs)) Patricia