I'm really frightened by my emotioanl state right now. I've suffered with depression half my life, but I always felt an inner urge to persevere. My life seems to be surrounded by death and pain right now and I'm starting to hate myself. My family has a history of mental illness, in fact my parents commited suicide. I have always said I would never entertain the thought. I don't want to die. I have a little girl who needs me. I want to see her grow up and I want to see my grandchildren. But I don't want to get out of bed or make friends. I don't want to trust again and I don't want to feel LOVE because I don't believe in "Happily ever after". Sometimes my thoughts frighten me 'cause I've never been so low before. I bring everyone around me down (No wonder no one wants to be around me) I'm so broken (see my journal for more on that) I don't even know where to begin healing, most of the time I don't care anymore. I'm scared!
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