Hi everyone, i thought i would take a minute to introduce myself as i'm new. My name's Louise, i'm 21 and i live in Kent. I decided to look for a place where i could talk to people like me after finishing work tonight. I feel like my life is happy and full so i should be happy and feel fulfilled but i don't. Inside i'm numb and empty, i feel tired all the time, even when i've had loads of sleep, i hate work...i'm stressed constantly and i worry about silly little things. To outsiders i'm just a moany woman who thinks they've got it harder than everyone else. That's not me. I don't want to be that person. I feel unhappy and no good, useless and down almost all the time. My fiance tries his best to cheer me up and sometimes it works but not always, i know he feels bad when i'm down, i think he blames himself. I try looking for reasons, you know, to justify me feeling sad but there isn't anything in particular. I just feel unhappy. I can't really describe it. I was diagnosed with depression when i was fifteen, i was self harming for a while, then my mum discovered what was going on and it upset her so much i made myself stop. Now even when i'm down and need to talk to someone i hide it from everyone because i don't want my issues to affect them. I don't understand why i feel this way, i look for a reason and i can't find one. I have a fiance who would die for me, he is an Angel! My family love me very much and although we're a bit dysfunctional and haunted by problems we are there for each other, i like my job sometimes, i use to love it, i use to enjoy working there but now it upsets and saddens me. I go to work happy and leave depressed. I feel as if i'm stressed and down 80% of the time. I'm fed up of feeling empty and worthless. My life isn't right, how i feel and the fact i feel this way isn't right. I just want to be normal and enjoy things like evryone else does. I thought talking to others like me might help. You might all think i'm being pathetic like i do, you've all probably got far worse issues than me, more right to feel down and hate your life than i do. I don't even know if i am depressed, i just know that if it wasn't for my fiance and my family i wouldn't want to wake up tomorrow.
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