i know i made my list to try to change myself and be more sociable and make friends or whatever. honestly i sucked at this list these past couple of days and i made very little progress. i know what is wrong with me...i'm inexperienced but the reason i'm inexperience and the reason i'm like this is cuz i've never liked to get too close to people and i don't like being around a lot of people at one time. honestly i still don't. i've always been ashamed of this but i'm not anymore. so i'm giving up on trying to force myself to be that person. i'm just going to live my life and whatever happens happens. i know the fact that i get too lonely to the point i bring myself to tears is what brought to this need to change and make friends but i'm going to try to make a few minor associations instead of best friends which i don't want anyway really. i've already given up my need to be a very religious christrian person and i have been happier these past couple of weeks so maybe this will have a similar affect. how bad do i really need friends anyway. i mean i made this long without friends and i've only really felt lonely when i've been around people until recently when i've started feeling lonely by myself. i like the idea of having close friends but people don't like the person that i am....its just too hard trying to force myself to change and i'm growing impatient. i guess i'll just be alone forever.
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