pushed aside again (and will happen again i am sure) - i have been made to feel like nothing by quite a few people. i know i have to be the one to make myself feel special, but when i do - someone else pisses on my mood or my "accomplishment" with their rejection, ignorance, criticism, neglect, forgetfulness, or even doing one better than me (which is ALWAYS the case). i am just going to accept the fact that unless i stop trying it will always be like that. and after all these years of trying and it not happening with me - not reaching my true potential and truly being happy and content with myself and not allowing others to piss on me....well, then....there it is - then it wont happen. too many people in this world are fakes and string me along for whatever reason. screw them. i am so tired of people telling me one thing and saying it to someone else and forgetting about me, using me, being "busy", pretending to like me - or like me just enough, etc - i have been made to feel like nothing. and i let them do that to me. maybe i am - and maybe one day i wont feel like that anymore but for now i do feel like that. i look at other women every where i go and wish that could have be me - with their looks, success, inteliigence, happiness -that jealousy persists and i cant shake it. but im just really mad at the fakes in my life - the people who string me along just enough for whatever reason or act like they care when really deep down i know they dont.
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