I got back together with my ex but a week ago I left the relationship because he started trying less and less to keep me around or maybe i was just being more distant I honestly don't know what happened exactly it all just feels like a blur. All i know is that he started complaining about me not responding quickly enough for 3 days straight and then he started backing out and deleting his messages and expecting me to chase him instead of asking what was wrong. Maybe it was my fault but he knows that I have a hard time having a serious relationship with someone and I kept seeing all these posts that said that if you want to keep a man around you have to play hard to get and all that so idk maybe I used it as an excuse for myself to take longer to reply so that I didn't have to get too deep into something? He just got this idea in his head that I was using him and I wasn't gonna entertain it, he messed up a couple times before and that was the last straw so I left. It's been a hard hard week... I've mourned a lot over the loss we talked for a long time about a lot of things together and we made a bunch of future plans and I honestly miss him he was my person . No one understands me like he understood me. But neither of us would give in to text each other anymore. I really liked him but at the same time something was wrong i don't know exactly what it was. Idk like I just felt like i was losing myself in the relationship as time went on and thinking about his perspective so much that i wasn't even aware of my thoughts like I was before and that freaked me out because i've worked so hard on myself and being independent and I wasn't being honest with myself about how I felt and that's why I'm so confused right now. I know it was necessary to leave the relationship to discover myself again but it's so hard. I feel like Ive lost all my progress. I thought i was ready for a relationship with him again but i wasn't. It's so hard to be motivated to get yourself back when first of all your ex is pretending to have moved on by texting and following a bunch of girls going to the gym and posting himself all over social media and second when you realize that the people around aren't treating you the same way that they treated you before when you were more confident and happy. Especially when my fam senses that my confidence is on floor level and it throws them off it just makes me lose all hope that I can get back up to where I was before. Back to being aware and independent and not basing my self image on the validation I get externally. Now I'm just sad. Sad and lonely. And the old me would've never been lonely. I had myself and that made me happy and that attracted people. I didnt care who I had or didn't have at the end of the day though I always believed that what was meant to be will be. Im just upset because I looked in the mirror and felt so empty when before I used to look myself in the eyes and be grateful for me. I don't even know if I'm really grieving for my ex or if it's for my old self. Maybe it's a combination of both. I probably just miss the feeling of being able to talk to him without overthinking everything like I could when I was myself. I miss feeling confident and aware. Being independent is what got him hooked on to me. Now I feel like Im not that babe anymore. Now I need to text people to feel satisfied and feel like I got something going for me. Like i keep searching for validation instead of validating myself because I forgot how to. I don't even know what to do now to get myself back it all just feels hopeless. like what is the point of life we're all just people that meet other people and talk about things and that's it like that's literally life
i cried for so long today and thought i'd feel better but i feel worse rn. i feel like shit i used to be so content just vibing
i worked on me for so long and now its all gone i lost myself and i have no clue how to get it back it feels like anytbjng i do wont bring me back
ive tried reading a self help book ive tried signing up for help texts and doing meditation exercises and doing things for myself like online shopping and doing my laundry and cleaning my whole room but it feels like i still can't bring the person i was back i still feel like the purposeless person i am rn who has to talk to people and base my self worth on the people i have to be happy
I honestly don't even know what to say but I'm going to try to muster up some strength to express what I'm going through and maybe writing everything out will help me feel betterI feel guilty for having any sort of self esteem because I've had depression for so long so if i ever develop any self respect I end up just abandoning it after a while because I feel so guilty for having it I can't...
I feel like I'm going into a depressive episode and my fleeting suicidal thoughts have been more frequent and in my face. I just am so done with everything. Like I am not gonna kill myself because I have so much to live for and people who depend on me and my dog but I just am so done. I honestly just want to do a bunch of drugs and not care anymore my anxiety about everything is terrible and I am...