I have tried so hard to get answers about what happened to my mom... I have tried to be ok with never knowing... tried to be ok with everything I have lost and continue to lose... I just can't... I don't know how to move on... I don't have anything left...I don't know how to be ok or if I want to be the kind of person that can accept and be ok with it all...everything just hurts so much... I gte up every day and I have no idea why... things just keep getting worse and worse and the only thing I can think of is how I knew when I was just a kid that I wasn't meant for this world... but I told myself I was wrong and pushed and fought and have only lived to suffer more... see things I never wanted to see... I just don't want to see anymore... I would like things to get better but deep down I know it can't happen... won't happen... and even if it could and did...it wouldn't really matter... I still have to live with the things I have lost... the things I have seen.. this isn't a life
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