I swear, every single time I laugh, crack a smile, or am just generally in a happy mood it is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS ruined by either some bad/nervous thoughts that something will go wrong or just general sadness for no damn reason at all. I'm SICK of this! My two best friends are my roommates and it seems like I have never ever seen them mad or upset about anything. Infact, I don't think I have ever been in the physical presence of someone that was worse off than me. I hate this. My girlfriend and I go through our problems, but I love her very dearly and she is the only one who understands me and is willing to to spend as much time with me as I need in order to help me in any way she can. Still, I seem to always fuck it up. Every single word she says I have to look into so deep that it causes me to get so low and upset about things she said that didn't even mean anything close to what I took it as. Even though there is no evidence to support this, I always think she is going to leave me because even though I always get compliments, I feel so inadequate in every way. I get so depressed I shake, talk to myself, and rock back and forth. I cry every day. People always tell me how good I have it, but I don't think I will ever believe them. I have been seeing a psycholgist for this and I make progress, but then I'm back to where I began. He suggested yesterday that I seek medication to help me cheer up. I'm definately going to do this because I just can't take this anymore. Why can't I just be happy like other people??
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