Im very new to this site; a friend recommended it to me because she joined it for a class project a few months ago. Im very lost and I dont know what Im doing right now. I am a college senior and I have had about all the stress I can handle in my life right now and I cant deal with much more. Anymore Im really depressed and irritable. I cant focus on what I need to accomplish and it just drives me crazy. Im not getting very good markings in one of my summer classes and that has me even more upset. I just want to be a good daughter and a good student but nothing ever seems to be good enough. Ive had issues with self-harm in the past and even thoughts of ending my own life. I feel so much pressure that there are some days I feel like I need an escape from it all. I feel like I need a way to get away from everything and sometimes that is what I think about. I dont know where to turn anymore, I feel like there are not a lot of options for me. Im burdened by the debt from college as well as the pressure my family puts on me and Im not even finished with school yet. My one friend jokes that he thinks Im the most high risk for suicide in our classes because Im always pushing myself so hard and Im upset when I cant be the best that I know I can be. If he only knew how I really felt. If he only knew the days that I wonder what would be best for my life. Im not saying thats what is going to happen to me. I just worry because I bottle up my emotions and I often explode and when I do its normally against myself and Im worried that one day it will be a really bad explosion and its going to be at me and it is going to end me in a hospital or worse. Im tired of feeling this way and I dont know where to turn. Im afraid to talk to my friends about it and there is no way I am going to talk to my family about it. Can anyone help?
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