The last few days have been really tough for me as my 5 kids won't do a thing i ask them to do.They treat me like crap and swear at me,they have no respect for me or their uncle.I am feeling real bad as I have no money to pay for school photos and to buy food as I had to take my son to Brisbane to see his neurosurgeon and that costs money.My kids keep saying they wish that we were a family like before the Assualt on my eldest boy and that their Poppy didn't die and that is my fault as I said turn off the machines as his heart was very weak and damaged and he was on life support so I told them to turn it all off as I new my dad wouldn't want to be kept alive like that,but I feel so guilty that it hurts so much as we became very close in the past year as he was living with me and the 5 kids who loved him dearly.My house is a mess and I just can't get up the strength to clean it up and my kids won't help so I just give up.Why bother they only make another mess in half an hour anyway.I just can't stand this place and am thinking of moving as I am having trouble with DOCs and am getting no help from anyone as it is too difficult and they don't know where to start so they stay away.Am finally getting councelling and he seems very understanding,so I hope it goes well.I am exhausted and just want to go to sleep and wake up and it is all fixed but of course that will never happen,but wishfull thinking hey.
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