i had a horrible day today. i went to town to go shopping as i've lost some weight and started the day feeling pretty good about myself. i had my 2 yr old with me who through the biggest tantrum and wouldnt hold my hand and was throwing herself about the place screaming at me and every one was looking at me like i was the worst mother in the world. i've tried everything with her but nothin helps, i genuinely feel that she hates me some times. i just want to be a good mother. Then when i was in the shops i picked up some clothes in a size 12 (UK) and some girls in the shop saw and started laughing at me. When i was in the changin rooms trying them on and trying to ignore their comments my daughter pulled back the curtains when i was just in my underwear and the same girls stared laughin and pointing and calling me names. It sounds so stupid to let something like this hurt me so and i get so angry with myself!! But it does. I'm 5 foot 2 and i weigh just under 11 stone, i'm not skinny but i didnt think i was humongous! i hate myself so much that when i look in the mirror i feel physically sick so i try not to, i try not to look in windows in case i see myself and i cant go on like this! i just feel so ugly and disgusting that there is nothin nice about me and how could any one love me. It's stupid as I have a partner that does love me, but he can't deal with this so i can't turn to him. i hurt so much over stupid things and i don't know how to deal with it. i think about hurting myself for release from these feelings inside me but i cant as then some one would see, and i think about killing myself so i could have some peace but i cant do that to my family and especially my daughter. i feel like it never ends and just as i feel a bit better some thing like this happens to bring me right back down.
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