I don't know what it is...but I feel like flipping out really bad. I am not used to this new house or the town, and I am really really paranoid. I can't stop thinking about what stuff means either. Like why I am here or why things are the way they are....I am really bugged and don't know why...I don't feel this way too much, it's something apart from depression, it kind of masks it while it's here, but I'm not sure if it's better or worse, I'm more likely to try something crazy in this mood. I feel like running away from it all, just getting in my car and driving away....down the road until I am a million miles away somewhere new where I can start over maybe....but that's only a fantasy. No real way to change my life like that. I just have to face reality and how bad it sucks....but I don't want to do that right now...I don't know what needs to be done. I can't just sit here though....I need something to give me motivation to make my life better and straighten out, like quiting drugs and drinking, like finding a job and being a man....but I just don't know where it's going to come from....
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