I am trapped in a house where I am the slave to 5 kids who don't even give a shit about keeping the house clean,looking after their toys,putting their clothes away and being nice to each other.I feel like just walking out the door and not coming back.They treat me like shit and don't care if I am sick or whatever.They expect to get a packet of chips everyday and they don't understand that I am on a limited budget but all they want is bought stuff and expect me to buy everything they ask for and when I say no then the shit hits the fan and they go off and start swearing at me and screaming and yelling at me.I have done everything to protect them and get them away from their abusive father and now I wish that I had just given em to social services as I can't handle them.Today the 4yr old boy smashed the toilet bowl with my meat mallet and now we don't have a toilet and have to dig a hole in the backyard for the toilet but I can't afford to get a plumber in to get a new toilet as I can't afford it.They think it is fun and a big joke.It's okay for them they are boys but I'm not.They still wet the beds and that is all I do wash,wash,wash.They use two to three sets of clothes a day and they can't even put clothes in a basket to be washed.They won't do a thing I say and I'm ready to give up.It might be for the best.I have had enough and I don't know what to do anymore.Do I take stuff away from them and limit their clothes to only a few.Do I stop them from going anywhere as they play soccer.I just don't know what to do and I'm at the stage where I don't care anymore.I get the life sentence and my ex gets 9mths probation It's not exactly fair is it.I have started self harming myself again just to relieve the pressure.I just can't handle it.My brother is no help.He comes over and sits on his ass and does nothing.Some help he is.It really angers me.He can't even handle the kids either.So what do I do and how am I to handle it.I'm at my witts end and want to leave so badly.But of course I can't as I feel like I have abandoned them.I love em to death but It is going too far for me to come back from.I'm scared and feel so lost and alone.My best friend has abandoned me and now I have trouble talking to the case worker as I'm afraid they are gunna split us up for good.That will make my ex happy.He told me if he couldn't have em then I couldn't have em.I am selling everything I have to keep us afloat and now no toilet and no money to fix it great.Am totally stuffed now.I do the right thing by protecting them and getting them away from him and I have had nothing but shit piled on me one after the other.Kids get into fights at school and get suspended and I just can't catch a break.Great now it is raining and I have so much washing to do.It is getting beyond a joke.One thing and now another thing.What do I do Please Im begging for help.What did I do to deserve this.Why is it happening to me.What bad things have I done to deserve this.Help me please........
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