I was feeling alright earlier this summer and around May/June. I'd felt OK about my decision to quit my job as I felt the atmosphere was really stressful, chaotic and intense. But things have taken a turn I think for the worse. I was taking classes over the summer and then I was scheduled for a routine colonoscopy/cancer screen. Not something I look forward to, but I had one five years ago and it was ok. It was time to do it again. Well, it just didn't go that well. He couldn't see very much, and ended up removing a benign growth, but because he could not see that much and the prep didn't go well, he wants to do it again in two months. I didn't recover well and wound up back in the ER because I had intense abdominal cramping, was unable to really eat, and lost weight rapidly. After going to the ER, they gave me something for the cramping and an IV and I started to come back around. But I couldn't go out and meet people or do anything, and so it kept me here.
Meantime, I was trying to interview for jobs, I really need to find a fulltime job, and I didn't get the two jobs that I interviewed for. I got my last paycheck last week and now I am really freaking out. I only got some temp work, which really doesn't feel very secure. On top of this, I guess menopause has decided to start and I went to the doc and figured out this is the real reason that I only sleep 3 or 4 hours a day, the immense hot flashes were a huge indicator and blood tests confirmed this. So they did the blood work, and now I don't have insurance either, and they are starting me on hormone replacement therapy so that I can feel more like myself.
On top of this, both of my friend groups have disintegrated. I sort of wonder if all of this was caused by me starting spiritual work or beginning the practice of meditation, which I took up to try to get centered and stablize my life. Someone had said that doing meditation, etc. or spiritual work can sometimes cause your life to shift and become really unstable. Did I cause all this? I don't know...I don't really think so...my real feeling on it is that these situations were probably inherently unstable to begin with and maybe a lot of this was impending and likely to happen. It just seems that all my efforts to regroup after failure or setback in the past never have worked. For example, my career as a teacher has been a total disaster. Even the last job that I had, I was not fired or disciplined or anything like that, but I did my best to make it a happier and better experience after the past couple of bad teaching jobs...only to find it was full of conflict and drama. Eventually I started to wonder if it was simply just the career itself. And friend groups, when I saw that one was not doing well or was unhealthy, I would try another, only to find that that one was infected as well. I honestly feel like I've tried everything in my life and that everything is just rotten poision. And now I'm having heath issues, including migraines. I didn't have those before. All my efforts to rebuild and recoup seem to have come to nothing. I've made it to midlife and feel I have pretty much *next* to nothing to show. I have/had a 15 year difficult/tumultous career and several failed relationships. I really tried, and now I'm too old to have kids. Why does it have to be like this? The guy I thought it really was going to work with has gone on to several other women, in succession and has totally cut me off, taking down our pics, were not even friends anymore. I dont' get it, I try to be positive, do my best, I don't know. Some of my friends seem to be going through similar things, really hitting hard times, and I don't feel like I can be there for them. Death in family, catastrophic illness, accidents, wow. I haven't been a good friend, I've not returned messages and such, I'm so overwhelmed and preoccupied it's ridiculous.
Hi Friends,I am a 28-year-old girl living in Toronto. I was very happy when I was single. Last week, I and my boyfriend ended our 5-year relationship. He dumped me. My boyfriend was so caring before. A But things get worsened after 4 years. I found that he was in a relationship with another girl and he was just using me for money. He started behaving rudely. I understood that he is deliberately...
HiThought I would give a quick intro. Was formally diagnosed with depression and anxiety in my early 50s. Many people over the years suggested I need help and medication. Tried everything but meds, reached out for help many times, but never made inroads. Started on meds after a major family crisis 6 years ago which is still continuing. First med didn't really help, 2nd one made a huge difference...