I am very depressed right now i am lost in a sea of darkness and i cant see the light anymore. I am an a strange place i have not made any freinds out here yet and i feel like a i am a failure in life at the age of 20. I hate my job because i get paid shit for what i do and its not worth my time. The school system down here in texas which is the only reasn why i moved down here is a fucking joke and it has pissed me off and i havent even started to attend yet. I dont want to get out of bed in the morning i dont want to function anymore. Yet i do get out of bed and perform functions fring the day by putting myself on auto pilot i am running but the real me is sleeping on the inside. I am not an advocate for suicide and i dont think i could ever take my own life but at this moment and time i feel so low and alone that i wouldnt care if it was ended right now. I feel that i have been left behind by life and that everyone else is succeding and i am failing and i cant stand it. I cant stand that i fact that i am not further a long in school then i want to be i cant stand the fact that i cant be indpendent i cant stand the fact that i live in podunk texas away from all my freinds which i consider to be my family. If i didnt wake up tommrow i wouldnt care maybe it would give me peace from all the hell i have been through in this world and let me happy once again. Fuck with my current diet it would be shocking if i didnt die from a heart attack tommrow i really should work on that. Well i should get some sleep i have to be at work at 645 in the morning screw it maybe i wont go who knows
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