why do people let their ego get so over inflated? why do people think they have the right answer? why does it seem like everyone has thier shit together except me??? i really think that if this continues.. im literally going to go crazy.. i want to escape.. i feel like a caged animal.. i feel so sad for my parents because i know they wonder whats going on in my head but i could never tell them 1 because it would make them sad and 2 because theyve never been able to comfort me in anyway.. it always comes back to "well maybe if you cleaned you room.." or "well if you werent so lazy jennie" i feel like shit.. everything is about everyone except me.. im a loner and an outsider and i always have been. i feel like i want to die sometimes.. llike maybe that event would be enough to appease my soul.. if i did who would be there? my family yes but probably only my immediate family.. a very very small number of friends.. maybe.. i havent made an impact on anyones life.. im useless.. im a waste of space.. i wish that another egg had been fertalized instead of me and that egg grew into an awesome talented wonderful person like my sister.. and that i would have been ejected and flushed away.. life is miserable.. i dont want this ache anymore.. youd think if youve felt it for this long it would just not bother you anymore but it does.. its always around.. it hurts.. it starts with a hollow feeling in my chest and then a tightening in my throat.. and then the self hatred floods into my brain.. and i look at myself and i hate my reflection.. and it makes me sad because my reflection is the only person i can tell my secrets to.. i want to scream at the top of my lungs.. i dont want to talk to myself anymore.. i hate the sound of my own voice but im the only person i trust.. i want to just vanish and let everyone live the happy life they deserve and not have me leeching the life out of them
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