As everyone knows Im usally pretty happy go lucky for the most part. Ever since having this hysterectomy I feel less like me and I dont like it. I found out yesterday from the doctor that I am diffenitaly cancer free and that should make me want to dance around and do the happy dance but all I did was smile and say okay. Its not my bipolar cause I usally am angry with my bipolar and when I feel the bipolar coming on I stay away so I dont say or do something stupid I just try to hide like a dragon in a cave so I dont hurt anyone with my words or actions. But now I dont know I dont feel like me. I was talking in my jornal entry today how I have no sex drive what so ever. I dont even want to check out the trash man when he drives by today. I feel like a walking talking maniquine. I have left my ovaires but they are just a HRT pump in my eyes. All my other female parts are gone I feel like less of a woman. I cant have sex for another five weeks and I am okay with that. Because I dont want it. I just dont feel like me and I cant put that into words. I dont joke like I used to. I dont smile like I used to. I cry more then I used to. I dont even feel like shaving my legs because I dont feel like a woman. I dont want to do my hair cause I dont feel like a woman. All I want to do today is cry and thats not me. I have no reason to cry but thats what I feel like doing.
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