I hate Thanksgiving now. I had resolved myself to going it alone this year --- which I really didn't mind, because I would rather spend it with my cats and a Hungry Man Turkey dinner and cry my eyes out missing Isaac, than being around people, pretending he never existed, which is what my family now does. I hate them too. I know I'm not supposed to hate them but I do. How can you let go and forgive some fuckers who ignored you and let your son die because they took control and let him go wild and did NOTHING to help him. they did not even recognize he was in serious trouble, let alone suicidal, let alone suicidal for years and about to kill himself for over a year before he finally did it. But I was the looney toon.


So now, I have let my daughter finangle (and she's darn good at that) me into riding the bus 4 hrs to Pendelton to spend Thanksgiving with her....which didn't bother me much until I actually bought the ticket. That is when I suddenly got paralyzed with anxiety, and then sad because of Isaac. I feel better now, but I am going to hate spending a few days at Sarah's because I will not be able to cry at night which is what I do so nobody will think I'm nuts.


I want to put up scriptures ahead of time, but I know I will probably run out of time to do it, but I will be back Saturday. I am leaving late Tues night so I will be in Pendleton early Wed. morning. I can't wait to get back already!!! Please pray for me, it is not going to be easy.