Hi; First I want to say that I just joined daily strength last night and that this is a completely new experience for me so I hope I'm doing this right, and posting in the right area, etc. I am diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety. Lately I've been having major episodes with each, and I'm basically just a wreck. I go as long as I possibly can without leaving my apartment (I'm on disability). The only time I go out is to take my dog out in the back yard. The issue lately that has got me worried, scared, and nervous is that I hate where I live. I hate the city; I hate the state. I'm 35 and have lived in Illinois my whole life. I have never liked it. Then, when my depression progressed and I started truly realizing myself and my disorder, I also realized that this is not where I should be. Around 1999 I moved to the suburbs of Chicago. Then just last year, I moved to the city for the first time (Chicago itself). But now with my isolation, and my thoughts, this is not the place for me - it has made my anxiety so much worse. Now, I've been thinking and saying now for years and years, that I hate it here (IL), and I want someplace warm. And we are having such a horrible winter this year also - bitter cold, and endless snow. I can't take it anymore. To the point that I'm crying a lot more, scared to leave the apartment, and generally just hopeless about my future. Even if I were brave enough for a big move, where would I go? Not to mention, how? I have zero money for that. I'm at the end of my rope here, but I feel trapped. I'm alone. I have no one to take the journey with me. I know that I will have these disorders for the rest of my life, but I'm almost certain that my mood would lift a little and I could possibly achieve a better quality of life, if I got out of this hell hole. My mind just can't take it anymore. But I have no idea what to do, where to go, or how. It's terrifying to me because I'm alone. So many people have come and gone in my life because they moved away. And I always think "I wish I could do that, but I know I probably never will because I'm too scared." I've never really known where I belong. And now I feel I don't belong anywhere.
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