Im tired, tired of school. tired of running. tired of life. i dont want to be here. its too much. im 15 years old. i cant deal with cancer. I cant deal with hearing my brother crying at night. I cant deal with acting happy and fine when all i want to do is scream. scream at god, mom,my brother. i dont want to deal with this. i just want to erase everything. erase all my mistakes, all the cancer, all the tears. i hate cryiing. when im crying i feel so selfish and discusting. mom has the cancer. my brother has the down syndrome. grandpas the one who died. no me. i hate it that i cant talk to my friends about this. i hate that im awkward and that i cant express how i feel. i hate that noone asks how i am. its always my brother, my mom, or my dad. neve rme. they dont ask me because im "hard to read" so im told. so they ask my mom. all she can say is "i think so" because she doesnt know. we dont talk much. which makes it harder. cause i know i could lose her at any minute. she could die while im at school. id never get to say i love her. or that id miss her tons. or that i dont want her to go. i just want to go away. where everything is perfect. where disease, school, and problems were forbidden. i want to be happy again
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