i really can't i can't do this. my crazy thoughts. the depersonalization and derealization. it's driving me nuts. being paranoid about everything and i mean everything. and TERRIFIED i can't do this. my thoughts my head i can't do this anymore. please oh my god. i'm down on my knees just begging God to help me please. i'm just going crazily psychotic. at least i feel that way. i can't do this. plus my mother...oh God my mother. my own mother doesn't want me. she slammed the door in my face. said i looked pathetic and discusting. how could my own mother not want me? idk i distract myself momentarily but these thoughts and feelings NEVER go away. never. and i can't keep doing this. please someone help. i just need help right now. i'm freaking out. some advice. some something i just dont know. and i cut myself now just to take the pain away for a little bit, only for it to come back again. i started cutting a few weeks ago. i never did that before because i don't like blood. so i don't cut deep enough to bleed, just deep enough to feel for a while. God no more of these temporary reliefs. i need permanent relief. i can't get it. it's hopeless. what's the point in living if nothing really truely makes you happy except sleep?
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