I have finally broken down and lost it. I knew it was coming and now i feel horrible and i just want this to end. I can't stop crying. I can't breathe. My heart is beating way to fast and i'm shaking i spent the last hour crying, sobbing, screaming, apologizing over and over and over to the man that i love because i cant stay calm and i can't stop thinking and im not stable at all im freaking out and i just drove him away. he left. hes gone. i'm alone again because i can't stop this. i can't just let him say goodbye and let him leave without freaking out and making him angry and annoyed with me to the point he just wont speak to me or say i love you or anything. i was so upset i told him i never wanted to see him again and i walked away. it makes no sense i dont know why i do this i dont know why just ONE little thing he says makes this happen, makes me go completely insane and overract and sob and scream. what is wrong with me? i really can't breathe right now i'm so scared that this is it, this is when i lose it and its over. its done. ive lost my last sense of controle and i'm going to do what i know i shouldn't but it just doesn't seem like there is anything else for me to do i cna't stop this feeling and i wont ever be ok i will always hurt him and i will always be hurting like this im so sorry everyone and to him im so sorry
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