its just problem after problem and I can't solve anything and then everyone around me making me feel worse about my situation and it just doesn't let up... I can't breathe... dealt with problems all day I couldn't solve... finally calmed myself down enough to sleep... then the phone rang and now I am crying and having panic attacks... I just don't want to do this anymore... and I don't know what is going on with my will and now its going to be new years... I just wish my mom was here... just for a little while... I just don't want to be here and I don't want to have to deal with these people and all these problems... sometimes I am almost certain I will just fall over and die from exhaustion or because there isn't a single part of me that really wants to live... its just fear and obligation keeping me here
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