I can't believe I thought my appt. to see the doctor was for today. i had to motivate and psych myself to even brush my teeth, bath and dress to leave the house and to find that I am more nutz than I had previously presumed. The clinic was closed and I dont even know when the appt is for now. Our mother died from cancer, our brother died from drowning and my little brother whom I raised had kidney failure. I am really at my end................ I can't find a job and everything around me is falling apart. I almost think it is better for me to off myself so at least he doesn't have to move or lose the house we are in during this time he is waiting for a transplant. Doesn't seem logical does it? In my head it makes sense to me because I feel like I am more of a burden with my depression than I am help.............. I can't take this anymore. Part of me can leave so easy but I feel obligated to stay for him. He is 19 now and too young to suffer like this and we are the only family we have left. I can't handle even getting up out of bed , how can I make or keep all that we have going now?
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