I have tried and tried to do what is needed to rebuild my life. I am making healthy decisions and asking God's help but it seems He refuses to bring some of the most important necessities in my life like friends. I am tired of the loneliness, tired of the lies told me by some men, tired of my needs not being met and tired of hanging in there and fighting alone. I hate the stupidity of some people who are christian who say they know all about what I need, that I';m not alone, god is working, etc. well I believe all that yet I am still alone, still hurting, still sad and fyking tired of all of this. I want to take care of my kids who I see part-time, my good job, my health, my other endeavors outside my job and career but I can't do this when I hurt so bad. My finances are like a tidal wave..too in debt. In time ;my income, not that great, tho could make a way out of the woods, still too great to bear alone. I have been thru crises many people do not face and have gotten thru them. I really like life and want to live but I can't do this pain and lonliness and promises neglected by so-called friends. I can't be alone any more, can't take when I feel ignored by the God I try to trust. I really want off this fking planet. Can't do this any more. Fck this. glad I don't have a gun. I'd probly have done it by now. I hate this.
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