Depression Support Group

Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles.

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deleted_user
deleted_user
I know I just hurt my sisters feelings and I am feeling very angry with myself. My sister has a friend who is very close to her since they were children (over 20 years).... Over these years I have found the strength to only see the wonderful aspects of this friend and invite her to everything as she is part of the family... As of lately my sisters girlfiend has been getting on my nerves by picking on my daughter, being nasty to my husband and mocking me in my own home. She over the years has done all this but I guess when I had to endure her during the funurel of my sisters baby... I cracked!!! Now for the problem... My sister asked me if she could invite her friend to christmas eve dinner at my home. Reflexivly I said ofcourse.

Last night I could not sleep, and I was full of anxiety as it occured to me that I DONT want this person at my home during the holiday. So I told my sister the truth and she is hurt, and shocked. Now I want to hurt myself because I NEVER EVER wanted to hurt my sister, I ADORE her. But I feel very depressed, I have had bad thoughts lately and don't think I can handle this friend picking on my daughter and mocking my husband and inlaws in MY OWN HOME!!!!

What should I do now? I feel like this is my home where I should feel most comfortable and my children should be themselves.

I offered to my sister that she does not have to choose between us, I would understand if she did not come now and stood home with her husband and her girlfriend. I told her that I love her and did not want to hurt her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wish I had advice but I don't. Rest assured you did the right thing, now just give it time. Hopefully your sister will cool down and understand where you are coming from. You had every right to do what you did
Testycatlady
Testycatlady
Is she hurt and shocked over what you said? Maybe she just never realized what was going on, and is shocked at her friends behavior. If she understands and respects your feelings, she will respect your request. If she does not understand or know what has been going on with her friend, maybe it is time to let her know and tell her what she did or said. If your sister values you she will choose you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
wow, that is a tough one, i think that the bottom line is that YOU MUST feel good in your own home. is the friend doing it jokingly or just being mean?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Could you talk to the 'friend' and ask why she has changed so much? If she has been fine in the past, something must have changes her behaviour towards you. If she is honest, what ever she says, should make it easier for you and your sister to understand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
u have done the right thing on behalf of your husband and children as well as yourself. No one should be allowed to use bad manners when they hurt others by actions or being a rude, crude loud mouth. They only make everyone else miserable and that is unacceptable. Care and love urself enough to not allow this to continue. Just because we know someone has some good qualities does not give them to continue in their selfish, immature ways. This must be a toxic person and there comes a time, even after years of tolerating, we must stand firm and not allow them to be around us.
deleted_user
deleted_user
regardless...you did the right thing...you need to be comfy in your own home and your sister will understand that. if it causes you enough stress to keep you up at night... you need to keep her away from you and your family.
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
its good you talked to your sister though, I am sure she isnt that upset with you but just confused as maybe you havent said anything all this time.

Maybe since you just told her that you dont want her and probably told her why, maybe you can talk to her and ask she talk to her friend and ask she not do those things.

At least then, your sister can have her friend there that she is close with and you can have a peaceful Holiday.
deleted_user
deleted_user
just anther little note.. Your sister is your sister.. It might take a very short time or a very long time for her to come around...I can say this because I have been through similar. If your sister decides to not come,still do what is right for your family.. The rest will work out in time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with chitown, talk with your sis and ask her to talk with her friend (gently) about the things that bother you. Then the ball is in the friends court and you and your sis may have a peaceful holiday.

Don't hurt yourself over this, everything has a solution.

(((Hugs))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
If it makes any difference, I think you did the right thing. You have a right - even a responsibility - to keep toxic people away from your family. Especially if it is in your own house, and at Christmas yet! *hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user
you guys gave me such great advice. I need to stress that I NEVER say no to my sister. I Always want to keep her happy. This is the very FIRST time I feel I have let her down. But I feel like I am at the edge as it is, and I cant take even one more thing...
I want to awnser some of you who asked questions.

Testycat- yes my sister is hurt and shocked over this. I tried to tell her in the best way possible. Less then 24 hours after she asked me- we were by ourselves in her home face to face. Also I did not ask her to make a choice, I did not want to put her in that position. I told her that I would have to deal with her decission.

Some of you asked me if my sisters friend jokes around when she is being cruel and annoying....Most of the time she is dead serious and mean.

chitownbear, you are write I "should" have done it the way you suggested...but I am like this... I take it-take it-take it- until POP I cant take it any more, then all reason goes out the window.
deleted_user
deleted_user
*hugs* I am so sorry you have to go through this *hugs*
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think a lot of us depressed people bottle things in a little too long before we pop. That being said the security and tranquility of your families home is super important. You did the right thing imho. Not saying anything and putting up with these kinda things repeatedly is damaging to ones self esteem.

You thought about what was going on, you acted, you stood up for your hubby and your kiddo. That's awesome. Doing things perfectly and smoothly is highly overrated, probably impossible.
deleted_user
deleted_user
well you said it how it was....better than you being miserable on the day.Maybe try talking to the friend,mention she's upset you,she might not realise.But I still think you did the best thing as you don't want bad feelings on the day xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
Ok, so going through depression I have been "that friend" once when I started using alcohol as an escape (nothing serious but I got into binge drinking when I would go out) I started just saying mean things and my best friend and I got in a fight and when she sid I changed I realized I had gotten a little cold since I was unhappy and I from then on have always paid attention to how much I drink and will never hurt one of my friends again!! Sometimes it just needs to be brought to their attention. It was one of the hardest conversations I ever had but I cared about her and didn't want to lose her so I did what I had to, to change! Great learning experience! You're friend will understand if she cares! Otherwise it's not worth the hurt and stress its causing you! Best of luck! Just state the facts and try to only make "I" statements and not accuse her of being the problem. Just go into it with a caring heart and state your feelings!!
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