i know what you are going through and all i can say is keep fighting and looking for anything that will work. i wish i could do more.

I understand all to well what you are going through. Unfortunelty a lot of ppl do. I am there now. I read ealier or last night on here someone mentioned to write down 5 things that you were proud of no matter how small/grand they were/are. Just know you are not alone~Take care

Your depression is controlling your life. I've been there to the point of wanting to die, cuz I did not have a life, I existed...
Getting to know God and depending on Him and people that can help me reach Him on my behalf is the only thing I found that works for me.
Prayer touches me deep inside my soul where the emptiness and pain live..where meds could not reach.
LynneP I'm praying for you.

I feel I can truly relate to you here.My own mother abandoned me when I was nearly 6, and I have suffered from depression since then,too--although I didn't become "chronically depressed" until around 12.Anyway, I can't even go to work anymore,my depression is so imprisoning--and getting out of bed,to feel as depressed and useless as ever--is terrible.I am also lucky to have a loving,long term boyfriend, but I too feel guilty b/c my gratitude and knowing I'm blessed doesn't make me less depressed!Which just makes me feel like I'm awful and selfish.
Depression has taken so many passions and so much productivity from my life.I think this is what makes us feel so useless.When,in reality,although depression can impair us, it does not make either us or our existences useless. The very fact that your husband loves you so much is proof that he needs and wants you in his life--that your very existence is more than useful to him:it is invaluable,priceless.Have him tell you some of the things that he values about you,how central you are to his life. Or,as someone else here suggested,write down the good things about yourself, including all personality traits,and also write out a list of goals,that you plan to reach when you are better.(I write down simple,daily goals as well:like cleaning one room of the house.If I can attain one "easy" thing,I feel better.)
I have been on around 3 dozen antidepressants--every single one on the market(approved by the FDA.)Only one helps,and only temporarily,but my point is:it sometimes takes many,many tries to find the best antidepressant.It doesn't matter,then,how many you've tried, b/c you haven't yet found the right one.Seeing a psychiatrist and describing your symptoms might make it easier to narrow down the best ones for you to try out.
Meanwhile,have you considered therapy?I think with certain issues,they can be amazing--especially the loss of self esteem that comes with childhood abandonment, and the feelings of worthlessness that depression disguises our lives from us with.I've had bad therapists and good,both.
Right now,it sounds like you are existing in a state of completely untreated depression.That is a dangerous and terrible place to be, yet you can get yourself out.I know it will be hard, but you can do it.Just begin with the smallest of steps,and try to praise yourself for each one.

I'm struggling with the same thing right now. The easiest thing will set me off and when I cry it tears my partner to pieces because he feels he should help but doesn't understand there is nothing he can do. Its not him, its just me.

Keep pushing. You aren't alone. Try letting him know it has nothing to do with him and thank him for holding on.

I feel useless too... :-(

volunteer work makes me feel useful. animal shelter, reading at library for kids, soup kitchen, picking up litter, stuff like that