First i want to start by sayin hey! Im new here and i thought for the first time i should tell people the the truth, my story. It started with me waking up at five in the morning wanting and craving the alcohol, at least then it would stop the sadness that had cloaked itself over me! Then i couldnt even look at myself in the mirror without feeling this overwhelming need to punish myself! I felt a disappointment, a failure, a nobody! Then came the cutting, as i felt the pain and saw my own blood escape me i felt a relief of sorts, that i was finally getting what i deserved! Then i wrote a poem a dark poem you might say, writing is the only thing that keeps me alive that keeps me here. I called the poem Darka and it goes like this

Darkness surrounds me
overwhelms me
my heart breaking
my soul aching
lost in my own mind
with thoughts that are not mine
no one can save me
i can not even save me
i can feel it ticking inside me
the bomb that wants to implode
im hunched now when i work
as im carrying an evil alone
no longer do i see the world as i used to before its like ive opened the door to another unforgiving world.

I admmitt its not the best of poems but at the time thats how i felt inside and the words flowed from me to the paper, im getting help now but i still feel lost like someone else is inside me, controlling me! Would love to know if anyone feels this way even after they have started treatment. xxxxxxxx