How does anxiety/depression make you feel? I’ve struggled with the answer. My short answer is…horrible. The most horrifying feeling I can imagine. Regular people have no idea. They can’t understand something this dark and cruel.
Anxiety makes my heart pound, my mind race, my head hurt and my stomach turn. My body feels like its burning up and freezing at the same time. I’m always so cold. Depression is harder to describe. It’s like existing in the darkest pit of Hell. No light, no escape, no hope. It’s a sick feeling. Seasick but with no relief in sight.
I’m writing this post in the evening. For some reason I feel a bit better in the evening. I’m not sure if it’s a relief or just a sick joke. You start to think that maybe, just maybe you’re doing better. Maybe the meds are finally kicking in. Maybe you will wake up tomorrow and feel better. I go to be hopeful but anxious. 5am greets me with anxiety shaking my body. All I can do is silently moan in pain as I try to face another nightmare. Another morning where I struggle to work. My mind foggy. No focus. Trying to do a simple task feels like pushing a boulder up the highest mountain. I finish my simple task and look at the clock…6am.
God please get me through another day. Please let the meds start to work. Please don’t let me lose my mind.
I am really starting to wonder if I am meant to succeed. I am applying for jobs and I keep getting denial after denial. It makes me wonder if I am meant to have a career or anthing good. Luckily I have a loving supportive bf. Im defeated. Am I just destined to work a dead end job. Do not get me wrong, I am thankful for a job. What am I doing wrong . I have not had the best life with abuse,...
my memory for today is from May 2017 four months before Lisa passed. We were in Bermuda~