i won't go into much detail but my family and i are not close. its mostly my fault or at least i feel that way but at the same time its their fault its my fault. they've always wanted me to be a certain way and since i wasn't they disrespected me and made me feel bad about myself. then i abandoned them so that was my fault. now i feel like i'm growing up and i need to let go of those grudges i held on to when i was younger. the problem is that they haven't changed at all and i feel like trying to be the bigger person wont do any good. they are still going to end up making me feel bad about myself but i guess i have to live with that cuz they are family. i want to have a relationship and i'm willing to sacrifice a lil peice of myself for it. i just don't know how to initiate it in a way that won't be so dramatic or like i'm trying to make myself be a victim. please help
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