Does anyone else spend their day surfing the internet googling things like "how to be happier, how to have more energy, how to start new habits, how to GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING"? Some days, at work, I spend hours doing it. Just looking, searching for that one magic article or blog. The one that makes it all click. The one that ends my search and fixes me. I mean, you can find ANYTHING on the internet these days, right?
Of course, all the articles are the same. "Think positively. Meditate. Exercise. Eat almonds and leafy greens and fish. Drink water. Avoid alcohol. Sleep." ALL. THE. SAME.
I know what the answers are. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. But I can only fantasize about who I want to be. I can only PLAN and RESEARCH. I feel paralyzed with an inexplainable inability to ACT, DO, BECOME. Immobilized by my inevitable failure.
How do you start when you can't start?
Unhappy. I want to die
My therapist ask like I gave up self harming just because I have not talked about it. Just I don’t speak about it doesn’t mean I stopped why would I tell him something like that for it’s something I keep between myself! Anyone understand?