Ahhh, I remember those days with my husband. Then I would feel so guilty for "spying" on him, especially since he didn't do anything to warrant being spied on. It's tough, but the inner issue here is our low self-esteem. I would urge you to talk to a therapist about it, and work on your self-esteem issues with a therapist, because once my self-esteem was raised, I stopped the behavior that you mentioned. Good luck and take care!

are you being treated for your depression? I didn't see anything on your page. If not, that would be a good first step.
Trust is a delicate thing - have you been hurt badly in the past? You may be thinking it is about this relationship when actually it is about the last one!
We are here to help and listen. Glad you are here!
Blessings,Star

pegan is so right,if you have been cheated on it is probably the reason you are like this, and you will destroy this if you do not work on it.
sounds like you have someone you can trust,so if that is the case, work on it in therapy ,talk to him...let him know what you are feeling and why.
but dont ruin a good thing,if you want it it is worth working for.
hugs
joyce

My journal entries chronicle the exact subject you're asking about. I suspected my wife of so many unfounded things. These fears were all from my last marriage where I thought we were the happiest couple alive and one night she packs up and disappears on me to be with some guy she met in an online game and started chatting with outside that game. I still want to read over my new bride's shoulder when she's on her computer, but I force myself not to. I've resisted the urge to read her e-mails. She's done nothing to warrant being spied on, and I'm doing my very best to give her the presumption of innocence. Since my episode last week I have become less and less suspicious of her goings on. Part of it comes from knowing if she wanted to leave me, that would have been the perfect time. She had my money, my truck and I was locked up and powerless to stop her. She was home when I got out, and she's still with me now. If she had left, it would have been painful. If she cheats it will be heartbreaking...but in either case she was never truly mine to begin with, and it would be her loss because despite my low self esteem, I KNOW I'm a loving, caring and 100% devoted husband. If I'm not what she wants, she's not what I want. Make sense?

Your guy hasn't done or said anything that would make you think he's being shady, so the best advice I can offer is he isn't. Give the big lug a hug and a kiss and tell him you appreciate him. Show him you love him and he'll either show you he loves you back, or not. Either way, problem solved.

Best way to combat insecurity is through self discovery. Being in a relationship at your age right now is a waste of your own time. You shouldn't have to spend your days wondering if he is going to break up with you or hurt you. You have the answer within yourself. Dig yourself out! :)

I read Jimjim's reply to this topic and tried to not respond but I just had to.

I don't think telling her being in a relationship at her age is a waste of her time is fair, Jimjim. She feels insecure. She feels like she's not worthy of her boyfriend/husband's love. What she needs from us is assurance that this is normal, that some if not all of us have been through this and how we dealt with it. Part of depression for some, myself included, is to sabotage a good relationship because we don't want to get hurt, so we end it before we can. Imagine how her boyfriend is going to react if he ever catches her reading his e-mails? Have you ever worried yourself sick with whether or not your loved one was stepping out on you because you weren't worth their love? It sucks.

Jrbrock honey...I stand by what I said. You have to realize this is normal for depression, and self esteem counselling will help.

I'd guess someone, or even a bunch of someones, in your past taught you not to trust those you love and who should love you and now your expecting the same thing from your guy. Over time this mistrust will kill a relationship and it's not fair to either of you.
I hope you have a good therapist, if not find one and find out where this lack comes from but in the mean time STOP treating him like he's the enemy.
I know it's not easy but find somewhere else you can channel that energy when the doubts come up. Go clean the bathroom or bake something but DON'T give in to it. Write yourself long letters detailing what is going on in your mind then burn them whatever works for you that keeps you from giving in to this doubt and relieves the tension so you can give him the love he deserves.

I just wanted to say thanks for all the advice. It really helped. He won't really talk to me right now but I think it is getting better. I have never been to a therapist and I am a little scared but I think I really need to.

I understand what you are going thru. I always think my husband will run off with someone who deserves him more. You have to understand you deserve him and God he deserves you. If he loves you and you love him thats all you need. Trust is a hard thing to give but you deserve it.

JimJim is right on. Being in a relationship when you are dysfunctual is a waste of time. That's because when you are in untreated deppression you are dealing with your own issue, and it isn't fair to drag your boyfriend thru this. Just cause youn are suspisous for whatever reason dosen't mean you need to put that on him. you are young. Use this time to get yourself 'better'. you will be a better girlfriend to someone else that way. Good luck. And Noah424, all the more reason for jrbrock to get healthier. Being insecure in a relationhip is not mature. It does not help a relationship. This not normal for a healthy reationship. What is normal is an unwavering trust on both parties. Unless she has a reason not to trust her "currant" boyfriend....well that's a whole different story.