My name is Chelli and I'm 17yrs old. I live with my b/f in a small appartment with my three cats. Right now my life is really bumpy. Bills, debt, living arrangements, no friends, no social life, no energy, no will. I know deep inside that everything is really fine and others have it much worse, but I just can't seem to ever get off my butt. Seems like every time I try im knocked down harder than before. Everytime I get up and face all my problems I do good for a day or two. Then something goes wrong and its all back down the drain. I find everything I do is an outlet from realy life whether it be drugs, the internet, smoking, tv, etc. All those things can be used wisely but I consume myself in everything I do just to escape. I never have any energy or will and feel worthless. Before I moved in with my boyfriend I lived in my room for a year and a half after dropping out of school. Everyday I felt guilt, fear and worry. Now I've lost the guilt and fear but I still can't do anything for myself, and I feel like I never will. Lately things have been going really really bad and the thought of depression is creeping up again. I've been medicated before and it had no effect and went into denial after that. But I'm really starting to think theres a problem. I know what I must do to change my life its finding the reasons and will to I can't seem to figure out. I just want to know how to move on with my life. Leave everything behind and have the want for a better life.
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