11 years ago, I had an abortion. It still haunts me and I do not feel like I deserve to ever have a baby because of what I did. I think I was raped. I was so high on drugs that night that I have no recollection of what happened. I dont know if I passed out or what - but I cannot remember it. The guy was a real jerk - he did not deny it - and pretty much said it was my problem - deal with it. He only an acquaintance. I was single and felt like I had no way to raise a kid completely by myself on such a low income. I severed my relationship with God and the Catholic church because I felt so guilty. I could not be a hypocrite. I miss my religion sometimes but it is so hard for me to feel like I have any right to talk to God when I am quite insignificant in the whole realm of the universe. I have a good life now but feel like the things I have done in past make me unworthy. The other night I cried and cried and cried thinking about the innocent life lost due to my selfishness. Does anyone know how to make it better? after 11 years - will it ever be better?
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